I know it doesn't happen this way for every woman, so I've been hesitant to mention it...
I've never really struggled with self esteem or self worth in relation to how I look. I've had some pretty atrocious hair cuts, but I've bounced back. I don't feel the need to wear much makeup, I like my clothes even if they're not on trend, I know what weight is best for my health and well being and I'm content with that weight.
But in a world of Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest and whatnot, I want to put my best face forward. My "good side", you know. So in the past I would snap a couple pictures and then carefully critique which looked best - hair out of place in this one, no, an odd smile, no, my legs look thick here, no, the angle of my body in relation to the camera makes me look just a hair thick... no. I'd pick the best of the lot, post it, and hope for "likes."
Because, validation.
And then I got pregnant.
And grew a human.
And roared that human being into the world.
And now, I LOOK GREAT IN EVERY SINGLE PICTURE THAT IS TAKEN OF ME.
That is what happened, this marvelous thing that I'm just a bit embarrassed about.
I know it's not my body that's different (although it is different) but my eyes, and how I see myself are different. Because I do look rough in some photographs, as you'll soon see, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I don't see the flaws. I see August's first earthly shelter, I see his comfort and nourishment and I see the insane, unbelievable, radiant joy that comes with all of that. I don't know if it's visible to others but I feel it beaming out of me. Motherhood has given me a confidence and self assurance that I've never known and I love it.
My mom always told me "Pretty is as pretty does" when I was growing up. Being a mother, and loving a child the way only a mother can, forces you to be patient and caring and self sacrificing and long suffering and on and on all day, every day. Sure, there are moments when I fail to act in the way I should. But babies are permanent and I can't give up, so I do better. And so do other mothers. Every day, we love, we fail, we get up and do better. I see it happening all around me and it is beautiful.
Somedays motherhood looks like this:
I've never really struggled with self esteem or self worth in relation to how I look. I've had some pretty atrocious hair cuts, but I've bounced back. I don't feel the need to wear much makeup, I like my clothes even if they're not on trend, I know what weight is best for my health and well being and I'm content with that weight.
But in a world of Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest and whatnot, I want to put my best face forward. My "good side", you know. So in the past I would snap a couple pictures and then carefully critique which looked best - hair out of place in this one, no, an odd smile, no, my legs look thick here, no, the angle of my body in relation to the camera makes me look just a hair thick... no. I'd pick the best of the lot, post it, and hope for "likes."
Because, validation.
And then I got pregnant.
And grew a human.
And roared that human being into the world.
And now, I LOOK GREAT IN EVERY SINGLE PICTURE THAT IS TAKEN OF ME.
That is what happened, this marvelous thing that I'm just a bit embarrassed about.
I know it's not my body that's different (although it is different) but my eyes, and how I see myself are different. Because I do look rough in some photographs, as you'll soon see, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I don't see the flaws. I see August's first earthly shelter, I see his comfort and nourishment and I see the insane, unbelievable, radiant joy that comes with all of that. I don't know if it's visible to others but I feel it beaming out of me. Motherhood has given me a confidence and self assurance that I've never known and I love it.
My mom always told me "Pretty is as pretty does" when I was growing up. Being a mother, and loving a child the way only a mother can, forces you to be patient and caring and self sacrificing and long suffering and on and on all day, every day. Sure, there are moments when I fail to act in the way I should. But babies are permanent and I can't give up, so I do better. And so do other mothers. Every day, we love, we fail, we get up and do better. I see it happening all around me and it is beautiful.
Somedays motherhood looks like this:
And some days it looks like this:
But it's beautiful everyday.